Thoughts.

What a cliche name.

In case you’re wondering, i won’t be talking about the thoughts that come to you when you’re sitting at the end of a cliff watching the sunset ect ect….
Nop. They’re the kind of thoughts that hit you after watching a movie… reading a book.. listening to a song… (I feel like most of my writing inspiration is depending on a book or a movie now.. weird. )

Well. Today ( 10 mins ago) i watched “The Art of Getting By” , Loved it
Loved.
It.

Soo, back to why i started writing this, is that of course, i could somehow relate to the main character George (Freddie Highmore). He’s so cute FYI.

… What is life to you? some kind of a roller coaster? whole pack of Illusions? An adventure you never wanted to go on? a dream….?

well, at first, i was this negative person… who sees nothing but an end. We live,to die. We are born to die. So why waste my time doing things that won’t last. Why put an effort in things that will eventually fade away and disappear? We are mortal, and the things we do are part of our mortality. THAT is a fact.

Those negative thoughts still come across my mind very often, I don’t know if this is bad but i guess that’s kind of a personal fact.  I try to shake them off, act like they’re not even there.. But they are. i may overthink this, but there’s no escape.. i fear.

I’m trying to get to a point where im in a positive, motivational, “happy” kind of phase… BUT, life is a mix of happy and sad. I need some time to overcome this and understand this. I dont know if this process is my own battle to fight, or whether it’s a journey for two… Some person and me… I imagine myself living two opposite lives…

a life where i’m a loner… living on my own.. working my ass off.. traveling.. writing.. coming home to my  dog and horse.. going out with some co-workers, friends(If i had Some)… Living alone somehow excites me..

On the other hand…

I picture myself waking up to my lover… spending weekends on the beach or hiking or by the chimney…Being happy and in love… having a kid or two.. just like the Movies..

 

I don’t even know which to choose…Is it even my choice to make? and if it were… what if i regret it?

 

It’s a conflict between myself and I.