Journal, 3/3

Today our school took us to Deir Mar Chaaya, so we can rebuild our relationship with ourselves and with god. These kind of trips usually end randomly. And I’ve never felt the importance of such trips, but today.. it felt different. I had to sit alone so I can have a meaningful conversation with myself, which I rarely do.

Our first activity was about forgiveness. They gave us a “Plasticine” and told us to do something; symbolize forgiveness and how we forgive. Mine turned out to be a two faced person. A sad face, and a happy one. The sad face represents the sad or lonely person we meet each day, but we never do something to change his situation. So that’s why, the second face, the happy one, represents the situation of this same person after we interfere.I believe this is our daily duty.. cheer someone up, make them smile..
Where’s forgiveness?  But forgiveness wasn’t just about forgiving the one who hurt you.. forgiveness is allowing yourself to change something positively, forgiving the world and helping its citizens
*Just a reminder, I’m writing this on a piece of paper while I’m on this trip*
Wondering where am I right now?
I’m at our second activity. They took us for a walk so we can admire mother nature, so we can think about God’s beautiful creations. But I drifted from the group and I’m sitting on a rooftop. Alone. A mountain is all I can see, houses are built randomly , and well, it looks like it’s going to rain.
Here I am. Alone. But why?
why didn’t I just go with my friends and walk around with them? Why didn’t I just have fun like I used to?

I don’t know why. And I don’t even know why I’m writing this.

All I know is; today seems different. My friends are different. The weather is different, the place seems different… or.. am I different? The truth is, I always feel like I don’t belong where I’m placed. Because things never turn out to be they way I want, or think, they are.
because people change as their thoughts change. And I feel like I can’t keep up with all these changes.
* damn, that’s a lot of writing in less than 15 minutes, but its okay, they aren’t back yet so I can enjoy my time alone.*
it seems weird.. a school girl went on a trip with her classmate, is sitting all by herself.. on a rooftop.
* and yes my feet are now cold. But I ain’t moving.*
on my right, there’s a statue for Saint Joseph (if i’m not mistaken). It’s built beautifully on a stone mountain. (where’s my camera when I need it the most??!!)
I feel like I wanna go for a walk and get lost in the forest but the teacher’s voice’s stuck in my head : “Don’t move, we’ll be back”

*But suddenly.. I hear their footsteps, they’re probably back.*

-To be continued…

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